{thoughts on worth}

 

i know that i am not alone when i say i am a woman who sometimes forgets my worth. since human life ebbs and flows, it means that we have our good days and our bad. though some days may be magnificent, eye opening days, others can be rough, causing us to really doubt our beauty. it happens especially when we feel those feelings of not being good enough, of never being good enough, of rejection.

ive always been fascinated by the differences in the minds of women and men. we are inherently different. women are such emotional creatures, and we feel all of the words that are spoken to us. when they are kind, comforting words, we feel safe, but when they are sharp, harsh words, we feel those feelings of fear, discomfort, and unworthiness. im not saying that the male gender does not also feel these things, i think they just take it to heart a bit more differently than we do.

there will always be times in our life when we are feeling a bit more down. these are the times when we have to pick ourselves back up and remind ourselves that we are God’s beloved princess, and to remember that everything has its season. when i was having a moment the other day, this video popped up on my Facebook news feed. to say that it gave me extreme chills is to put it really lightly.

if you’re having one of those days, i encourage you to press play on this video and close your eyes. feel the words and their warmth, and know that you are dearly loved.

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{thoughts on relationships}

pinkypromise

relationships. ive been doing some heavy thinking on them lately.

it is true that romantic relationships are quite different than your everyday friendships. but you cant deny that each relationship, whether romantic or not, teaches you something new about yourself and the world. our lives are built on relationship and community. can you imagine going at this alone!? i myself would be completely lost. this is not to say that im not comfortable with who i am personally, but rather that the people around me have taught me much more than i could ever figure out alone. no matter where we are with life, whether we’re basking in the sunshine or finding ourselves standing in that desert storm, there is always someone there with us, holding out hand and guiding us through. they might just be there for that period of time, but that amount of time, whether months or years, is significant.

i read in a book somewhere that each person whom we encounter in our lives is a vessel of God’s love. i believe this deeply and see it in each person i meet. for the past 25 years, friends have come and gone, and the ones who have stayed are sure to be in my life permanently. they are such special friends, ones whom i continue to build great memories with. we dream together, laugh together, and cry together. we complain and rejoice about all that is life. they are constant…those friends who i can talk to after many years and feel as if no time has passed.

and then there are the relationships that come and go. and when they go you feel the sting. you feel the loss of that person, no matter how it may have ended. ive had those, too. there is a permanent ache in your heart, one that shows up every so often when a memory is triggered or someone mentions their name. i think these are the ones that you learn the most from, really. especially with the questions ‘why did this have to happen?’ or ‘why did they have to go?’. these relationships force us to seek out how we can become stronger, and they leave us with changed hearts and a different perspective of our worlds and the word ‘love.’

and then there are relationships with mentors. those in your life who feel as if they are more than just friends; they are counselors. these are the ones you can come crying to at 2am and they wont even care. the ones who listen to your struggles and remind you of the light that comes afterwards. these are cherished relationships, too, and they remind us of our self-worth and our beauty.

relationships are such special things. when they are built on trust and love, they can be very strong. when either element is broken, its hard to stand back and watch all of that fall apart. but we must remember that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, someone will always be there, waiting to take hold of our hand and walk us through whatever might be up ahead.

{thoughts on growing…and minions & hedgehogs}

hedgehog

twenty-five.

twennayyyy fiiiiaaaveeeeee.

old soul, young heart forever. that fact gets more and more true each year. and although i still feel pretty much the same, its interesting to look back at the past year to see how much ive grown.

this past year has been pretty pivotal in my life. 23 as well, but 24 even more so. as i continued to step out of my comfort zone, i started to foster relationships new and old. the year was FULL of relationships that in my mind have been pivotal to who i am as a person. the people around me have continued to embrace me, inspire me, support me, pray for me and over me, and lift me up as i go about on this journey of life. i continue to feel so lucky that these people love me just the way that i am.

i traveled to haiti twice, falling even more deeply in love with the land and its people. that place always has me coming back home with new eyes. i started projects that i never in a gajillion years thought i would start at the age of 24.

i moved not just once, but three separate times.

i got a new cat. and learned a lot about breakdancing yoga (im hooked.). and went to four weddings. i went on adventures to places i had never explored and learned more about this thing we call our world.

i learned what it is to care deeply and live with abundant passion. i learned what it meant to pray without ceasing. i learned how important the human connection is in order for us to thrive, and how special moments with certain someones will live on in your heart not just for months, but for forever.

this year has been abundant with inspiration. so much so that i can only imagine what 25 has in store. all i know is that im really excited to see what this next year might bring about.

i thank each and every one of you who has stepped into my life for a few minutes or for a lifetime. i do believe the saying is true that people leave footprints on your heart. the moments with those people change you.

i am going into the age of 25 with a different heart, one that has changed over the span of 12 months. everything looks a little bit different now than it did last august, but its all good change. this year, i hope to write a book, maybe (please, Lord!) land a full-time job, hopefully start a non-profit, and in two days, i’ll be off on a grand 5 day adventure to norway. thats a good kick off to the year.

thanks for everyone who has taken the time to wish me a happy birthday. from the sweet serenade of friends this morning (screaming into the phone…i was almost crying because i was laughing so hard) to the bouquets of flowers, special sweet treats and many loving calls, text messages, and facebook posts, all the way to the minion pictures (my roommate hand drew me a card with a minion on the front! i freaked!) and hedgehog cuteness, i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

simply because of this fact:

life wouldn’t be the same without you in it.

{thoughts on dreams: something i’m looking forward to}

brideandgroomtruth be told: i feel all too cliche about writing this blog post.
i have read countless blogs lately about marriage, choosing who you love..the list goes on and on.

my sweet friend tab suggested we do a 30 day blog challenge, and i quickly accepted. we were throwing topics out and this one came up. i was immediately intrigued. “hmmm..” i thought. “something i’m looking forward to…”

its true guys. the one thing that i’m looking forward to is my wedding.
the day when my title as woman also has a little add in…wife.

(phew!!!)

sitting through four weddings so far this year (and there’s two more to go!) makes it hard not to fantasize about your own. sure, i have no idea who “mr. right” is yet (…though i HAVE figured out that he will be human, so there will always be work involved because i’m human too and us human beings? well…). there is still lots of uncertainty and who knows when all of that will fall into place. i have met some incredibly amazing guys, all who have changed my world (some of them rocked it!) and my perception in one way or another about what it means to care, what it means to be in a relationship, and what it means to love.

im in no rush to get married (although my mind does start whirling when everyone around me has rings on their fingers). i am willing to wait for that right time. whenever we (thats future “mr right” and i) decide that is.

there’s a lot of uncertainty in all of this. but what i do know is this: it will be a day of immensely radical celebration; a day when he & i will form a covenant between each other and God. i’ve heard most of it turns into a blur, but i’m really hoping that i can remember the special parts. like, the gals standing beside me or families embracing each other.

okay, my heart is fluttering. i’m getting into my little-girl-dream-like-a-princess mode.

but in all seriousness, seeing the beauty of these days makes me long for the one that i get to share with my future husband.

i cant wait to see who he is. i cant wait to see who God has prepared for me. the one who will walk beside me, day by day, through the good times and the bad. the one who wont step away when life gets tricky, but who will hold my hand and pray hard as we jump into whatever we need to jump into.

sure, at my wedding there will be beautiful bouquets and a most wonderful cake topper (because you know my girl brain has already decided who will do both), and a gorgeous dress that i will most likely only wear once. but most importantly, it will be about the fact of the matter.

and probably the dancing.

i. cant. wait.