Where is your happy?
Ive been having a few of those moments lately. Those moments where I come up against myself both physically and mentally. I hit a road block. I lean over, panting, trying to catch my breath. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say. I just need quiet.
Since turning 25, everything seems a lot more…real. This whole growing up thing gets all up in my face each and every day as friends get married and start having children (super sweet ones, at that). It’s that time where the pressure is on to find a serious job and a serious relationship.
Am I saying that we all need to fit into that mold? No. Heck no. I’ve been avoiding it for years. Always get funny looks because of that but the experiences that I’ve been able to have are worth more than anything. I wouldn’t trade that time for the world.
What I’m saying is this. Now is the time to take my passion seriously. It’s time to go out there, lift my voice, and make the world believe what my heart feels. It’s time to speak up.
And the Leo in me just goes in the corner. That’s what’s happening right now.
As transition slowly creeps into my life once again (because really, its the only thing thats constant), I try so hard to stand firm, to know what I really want to do. But my mind gets so overwhelmed by change and by choice that I just begin to shut down. And that’s when I have to remember. That’s when I have to look back.
When I’m in those moments of blurriness and uncertainty…where is my happy? When I’m not sure which path to take on the upcoming road…where is my happy? Where will it always lie? Where’s the happy I can carry in my heart throughout my life? What’s the one thing that I can do that brings my heart pure joy, that makes me smile until my cheeks hurt and laugh until I (almost) have a 6 pack?
That, for me, is service. Serving others. Giving back. Giving to those who need the most. Whenever I’m having a ‘moment’, my mind instantly goes to Haiti, and not only the times that I’ve been there to give back, but the lessons that those people have taught me that I never could have learned without their amazing stories, caring hearts and embracing arms. It’s dancing with the girls at the ACFFC to ‘Run the World’ until our feet hurt. It’s snuggling Stephens until he falls fast asleep in my arms. It’s showing a child the joy that comes with a crayon and a coloring page. It’s watching a free medical center flourish right before your eyes. It’s grouting the medical center while sweating through your clothes and dancing with the brooms. It’s thinking back to how the community comes together for good, collecting blankets or supplies for PB&J’s, or boxes of clothes and everything under the sun to send to typhoon relief in the Philippines. It’s spending the afternoon with a homeless man…hearing his story, hearing his voice. THESE are the acts that bring me joy, THESE are the stories that I long to hold on to. THIS is where my happy lies. And this is where it always will.
I’m having one of those days where I’m sort of lacking motivation to do anything at all. I could just as easily crawl in bed on this 60 degree day and nap the whole way through. But instead, I will reflect on the goodness that is around me. I will reinvent and reinstate my passion. I will write a note to myself to post on my wall reminding me of this each and every day.
Because I don’t ever want to forget where my happy is. Ever.