{thoughts on surprises}

DSC_0115|photo by Brittany Videll|

its been a while.

life is insane, and ive been wanting to write a blog post for quite some time, but ive had those moments of not knowing what i’ll write or thinking that i just don’t have the words. but i decided to pause for a moment tonight, even with the chaos that’s in my mind (and in my room) and sit. because when i sit here, the words flow out and i find myself reflecting on so many important items.

lately my thoughts have been on surprises. specifically those that God tucks away until a really amazing moment…just the right time, actually. we all have them. sometimes its hard to uncover them from the struggles and hardships that make up our lives, but if you really stop and take a minute to think about it, there are little and big surprises everywhere. we wouldnt get by without them, right? they are our little rays of hope.

i want to tell you a story. and those who know me well already know most of this. so you all are allowed to skip over 😉

about a year ago, i was sitting in a different house with a completely different view on life. i had actually just moved for the third time in two years, and a few months later i would learn that i’d be moving again. i was going through a massive heartbreak…one that left my heart broken and shattered. thank goodness i was about to go to Haiti, because i’m pretty sure that’s what helped lead me out of my depression. i was in between jobs, working here or there, just getting by. i was all over the place, and i wasnt sure what to do. all i really wanted to do was stay in my bed and snuggle my kitty all day.

come october, things started to look up a little bit. one day i woke up and said to myself ‘woah, i feel like ME!’, and for a person dealing with depression, thats one of the best feelings in the world.

a few weeks later, i would go on the first date with my soon to be husband. (<—woah)

guys, i had NO CLUE what God had in store for me!

i didnt even look cute on our first date!

but somehow, someway, i had to work out of something so difficult and incredibly hard to handle in order to reach my next surprise. it sounds so cliche, doesnt it? i dont understand it either.

some people call me a testament because of that story. those who were there, who had to witness me struggle, and i mean REALLY struggle, know how insanely different i am this year compared to last. and its not because Matt changed me or anything like that…its because he challenged me to be a better, more compassionate and daring person every single day; to strive for my dreams without ceasing or doubting or questioning. another part of my story has begun to unfold and it is more chaotic and beautiful that any other part has been, all in the best way possible.

for me, i like to call myself a believer. because through the hard parts, even when it was really challenging for me to even think about the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, i heavily relied on my faith. i prayed every. single. day. on average about three times, sometimes six or seven.

life is crazy. and it always will be–in a different way than it was yesterday.

but its really important…EXTREMELY important, to look for the surprises.

always look for the surprises. ❤

I know for sure that love saves me and that it is here to save us all.
-Maya Angelou