thoughts on the past.

have you ever had those moments where a question or statement brings something up from the past? something that was never resolved in your heart and mind…something that continues to bother you six years later?

i know that we all have our ‘stuff’. it’s clear to me that we are all human, which means that we are all flawed, imperfect creatures. but when my memory jets back to this one incident, i just have a hard time letting it go.

i’ve been going through the story of joseph with my 9th grade youth group girls as a sort of lenten devotional, if you will. i wanted to introduce them to it because it’s such a great testimony of someone who has an unshakeable faith. joseph is this guy who goes through trial after trial–including being sold by his brothers–but somehow he does not seem to break and hit rock bottom, like a lot of us feel like doing in those situations.

anyways, i asked a question to the girls the other night after reading chapter 39…in what situation have you been treated unjustly for taking a moral stand or refusing to do something wrong?

and i didnt realize how relevant it is to my life.

because yes. YES, i have been treated unjustly for taking a moral stand.

YES, i lost a lot of friends from it (i didn’t realize this until one of the girls brought it up after i shared and i realized just how many friends i lost).

YES, it still bothers me.

how does one let these things go? what happened to that phrase ‘learn from it and move on’? am i dwelling? all of a sudden i’m dwelling. oops!

another part of this story is about ultimate forgiveness. forgiving these people who have done you wrong, who have gone behind your back and said much that wasnt true, who have escalated the story to make themselves look bigger.

HOW. how does one forgive that? it seems like such an amazing gift-that sort of forgiveness. and yet, after all these years, i can’t seem to stir whatever it is i need to up in my heart.

it’s hard going through life and learning these lessons. it’s hard feeling betrayed and watching your friends turn and walk away. all because i thought i was doing the right thing.

thank God we have a God who shows us grace. and grace upon grace upon grace. i suppose the one thing that I have learned, rather than forgiveness (sometimes its such a hard word), is to have GRACE with everyone you meet. i do believe that has changed the way that i interact with people now. and maybe it’s something that i was still learning then.

whatever it is…the past is in the past. where i am now is because of what happened then, and i still continue to have very high moral standards for myself and those around me. but i will continue to always show them grace.

grace upon grace upon grace.

thank you, Lord, for grace.

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